redbull and vodka

so i stole jessi's 20 day challenge thing, buuuut i'm gonna do it all right now. because i'm bored and procrastinating and i wouldn't remember to do it everyday for 20 days anyway. ;)

1. If you could wish for anything that would come true right now, what would it be?
my answer to any type of wish question since i was 10 has always been 'a wishing machine that would give me unlimited wishes.' so i'm sticking with that.

2. What’s your favorite season, and why?
fall and spring. for most people they're transition seasons, but i like that perfect in-between extremes kind of weather.

3. What is true love?
true love for me is finding your best friend, someone you can do anything with and say anything to, who you just innately trust with all of yourself. someone who thinks the sun shines out your ass and who loves the parts of you that you hate and who makes you feel at peace and at home, no matter where you are. at least thats what it is for me. you know.

4. What is the best and worst jobs you have ever had?
best job was definitely lifeguarding, because i basically got paid to sit around and tan. haven't really had a worst job yet, i dislike all work equally.

5. What is your phobia/fear?
not being good enough.

6. Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever broken a heart?
eh, yes and yes.

7. What is something you’re addicted to?
facebook and pizza bites.

8. What do you like the most about yourself?
i like that i can find humor in everything and that i don't take anything too seriously. it helps me not linger on shit i think a lot of people get hung up on.

9. Are you a lover or a fighter?
both. i don't really get why they have to be separated haha. when it comes to it, i'm not afraid to do either.

10. What would you say your biggest fear is when it comes to relationships?
getting bored, getting hurt, not being enough for someone. same shit as everyone.

11. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change and why?
i wish i wasn't so critical of myself.
12. What are features you get complimented on a lot?
physical, eyes probably the most.

13. What is your favorite sport?
soccer. but i'm really not a big sports person.

14. Write a letter to someone important in your life.
eh i don't want to write a whole big thing but, if i did it would be to my little brother. i'd let him know how proud i am of the kind of person he's turned out to be, which is a sweet hilarious and down to earth kind of guy, and that he'll always be my first best friend. i'd say thanks for not being such a typical teenage boy, and to remember his roots whatever he does.
i love you, Ern, don't ever change.

15. Whom do you admire the most?
i admire a lot of people, i couldn't pick just one.

16. What are 10 goals in your life?
1. do exactly what i want to do and not worry about how unconventional it is.
2. have kids.
3. hike in the andes or chichen itza or any of the places i want to go with them either strapped on my back, or walking right along side me.
4. be conscious and present, ever day.
5. find some actual productive way to consistently help people.
6. quit comparing myself to other people.
7. make movies.
8. find someone to do all of it with.

thats about it.

17. What gives you sincere happiness?
simple things, and outdoors

18. What are the 10 most significant memories in your life?
couldn't pick 10 if i tried.

19. When were the happiest days in your life?
right now.

20. If you died tomorrow, what’s one thing you’d regret not doing?
nothing.

(:

oh,

i'm afraid of getting bored and not being good enough or not doing the right thing. and i'm afraid being afraid of these things will never let me relax enough to be myself, because i feel like someone different every time i'm around you.

i'm kind of afraid of being myself, because it's starting to seem like we're more different then i originally thought we were. and i thought we were really, really different to begin with, which is not something i'm used to. past boys have basically been me with a dick, so i'm not really sure how to function around someone who's not.

k.

ehhh

i want to go somewhere with no people or anything and just stay there for about a day. or month.

thats a good feeling to have right around the time when all my second aunt's and cousins twice removed from arizona come around, right?

blaaaaaaah.

oh man.

As I am generally around pretty mentally stable people these days, I almost completely forgot about the crazies out there that made me begin my crusade against religion and insanity in the first place.

Here's some nice reminders that reminded me why this delusion needs to be eradicated.

P.S. Dear June Hunt,

You're not smarter than me, for the simple fact that you are 50 something and believe in flying wizards in the sky, and I, at 19, do not. The people you claim to have converted from atheism are just like the people that claim they were 'turned' from homosexuality. They are brainwashed, they are scared, and they probably had a bit of crazy in them to begin with, or else they wouldn't eat up you're circle diagram bullshit.

it's too late to apologize

i'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you.

i need you like a heart needs a beat, but that's nothing new.

oh no.

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no. oh no.

k so

you know how we've been told like, since 4th grade to 'respect' our bodies, basically either by not having sex, or having very very little.

but ok, i've never really understood that. because..

respect is loving, caring and doing what's best for someone or something, right? basically.

..our bodies like sex. pretty much any scientific study shows that healthy sex does wonders for us. orgasms are good for our brains and blood circulation, sperm is good for our teeth, sex in general burns calories, keeps us flexible, gives those of us that can't get to the gym a nice little workout, ya kno?

so, wouldn't respecting my body be having a lot of really awesome sex? giving it a good workout? and the simple fact that you know you're going to be naked around people makes you wanna keep it looking good too, right?

idk. i don't mean to sound like a slut, i'm just saying. sex gets a bad rap from like, the second we're born. it's not this big monster we've always been told it was. as long as it's consensual and safe, it's one of the most basic and human things in the world.

but, 14 year olds in lincoln, i'm not saying screw like rabbits without condoms to further populate the degenerate generation of sad lonely children you've already began.

not that you don't do that already.

ooookkk done rambling now. i'm just not sleepy and bored, you know how it goes.

after the storm

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. 

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. 

Get over your hill and see what you find there, With grace in your 

heart and flowers in your hair."

.

" "