oh,

i'm afraid of getting bored and not being good enough or not doing the right thing. and i'm afraid being afraid of these things will never let me relax enough to be myself, because i feel like someone different every time i'm around you.

i'm kind of afraid of being myself, because it's starting to seem like we're more different then i originally thought we were. and i thought we were really, really different to begin with, which is not something i'm used to. past boys have basically been me with a dick, so i'm not really sure how to function around someone who's not.

k.

ehhh

i want to go somewhere with no people or anything and just stay there for about a day. or month.

thats a good feeling to have right around the time when all my second aunt's and cousins twice removed from arizona come around, right?

blaaaaaaah.

oh man.

As I am generally around pretty mentally stable people these days, I almost completely forgot about the crazies out there that made me begin my crusade against religion and insanity in the first place.

Here's some nice reminders that reminded me why this delusion needs to be eradicated.

P.S. Dear June Hunt,

You're not smarter than me, for the simple fact that you are 50 something and believe in flying wizards in the sky, and I, at 19, do not. The people you claim to have converted from atheism are just like the people that claim they were 'turned' from homosexuality. They are brainwashed, they are scared, and they probably had a bit of crazy in them to begin with, or else they wouldn't eat up you're circle diagram bullshit.

it's too late to apologize

i'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you.

i need you like a heart needs a beat, but that's nothing new.

oh no.

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no. oh no.

k so

you know how we've been told like, since 4th grade to 'respect' our bodies, basically either by not having sex, or having very very little.

but ok, i've never really understood that. because..

respect is loving, caring and doing what's best for someone or something, right? basically.

..our bodies like sex. pretty much any scientific study shows that healthy sex does wonders for us. orgasms are good for our brains and blood circulation, sperm is good for our teeth, sex in general burns calories, keeps us flexible, gives those of us that can't get to the gym a nice little workout, ya kno?

so, wouldn't respecting my body be having a lot of really awesome sex? giving it a good workout? and the simple fact that you know you're going to be naked around people makes you wanna keep it looking good too, right?

idk. i don't mean to sound like a slut, i'm just saying. sex gets a bad rap from like, the second we're born. it's not this big monster we've always been told it was. as long as it's consensual and safe, it's one of the most basic and human things in the world.

but, 14 year olds in lincoln, i'm not saying screw like rabbits without condoms to further populate the degenerate generation of sad lonely children you've already began.

not that you don't do that already.

ooookkk done rambling now. i'm just not sleepy and bored, you know how it goes.

after the storm

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears. 

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears. 

Get over your hill and see what you find there, With grace in your 

heart and flowers in your hair."

.

" "

lol

yuck

the fresh air is perfume and i feel wonderful and sick

i usually hate posting lyrics but..

On bended knee is no way to be free
lifting up an empty cup I ask silently
that all my destinations will accept the one that's me
so I can breathe

Circles they grow and they swallow people whole
half their lives they say goodnight to wives they'll never know
got a mind full of questions and a teacher in my soul
so it goes...

Don't come closer or I'll have to go
Holding me like gravity are places that pull
If ever there was someone to keep me at home
It would be you...

Everyone I come across in cages they bought
they think of me and my wandering


but I'm never what they thought
got my indignation but I'm pure in all my thoughts
I'm alive...

Wind in my hair, I feel part of everywhere
underneath my being is a road that disappeared
late at night I hear the trees
they're singing with the dead
overhead...

Leave it to me as I find a way to be
consider me a satellite for ever orbiting
I knew all the rules but the rules did not know me
guaranteed...

download this song.

hearts for eyes

i don't feel bad, so i feel bad about not feeling bad. does that mean i actually do feel bad? idk. maybe not, maybe just putting it that way makes me feel like less of an asshole.

...

if a tree falls on a woman, and no one's around to hear it, why was a tree in the kitchen?

lol @ my life

you'd think someone would believe it after hearing it a million times, but i don't, and i'm not just being melodramatic.

blah blah whiney shit blah. ugh. it really is hard for me to complain.

dear westboro baptist church

If I were ever at one of the soldier funerals you protest, I would not give a flying shit about your first amendmant rights, I would beat your evil asses with your 'god hates fags,' signs, because those fags are defending your freedom and your right to protest at the CEREMONY of THEIR DEATH.

America is never going to be 1950's america again, so i'm sorry you miss 'blue ribbons' and 'family values' but I don't miss discrimination against women and blacks, or high waisted man pants. Gays aren't out to ruin families dammit, most of them start families, that of which consist of needy and homeless children. The others just want a good sale at Express. Which I know you don't shop at, based on the floor length velvet skirts, so it's not like they intrude on your lives or anything.

All they teach in sunday school is love love love compassion love love love macaroni pictures love love, or at least the one I went too, so learn about what you think you're representing, and stop being tacky hate mongers.

mmm