hilaryus

2011-05-08T20:21:00.000-07:00

15 facts about moi

2011-03-29T20:24:00.000-07:00

1. i have the brain of a boy. i think about sex and/or food every 2 seconds.

2. i love other cultures other then my own, all of them almost equally. even the ones most people find threatening. they are so fascinating to me. but it's not because i dislike my own culture, on the contrary, i love it.

3. i'm judgmental, but so are you.

4. i dislike people who complain a lot, especially when they do nothing to change the situation that they complain so much about.

5. i also dislike when i'm telling someone about something bad thats happened to me, and they say 'oh thats nothing, wait til you hear about what happened to me..' bitch i'm trying to vent.

6. i thrive off trying and experiencing new things. stagnant people drive me nuts.

7. i'm an atheist, and a proud one, but religions also fascinate me. not because i feel like i'm missing something (like so many people have suggested to me) but because they say so much about the societies from which they arise.

8. these things that fascinate me do so ultimately do so because i find people fascinating. as much as i try to fight it sometimes, deep down i'm a people person. and i'm very interested in everyone. i will notice things about you that you might not even notice.

9. the one thing i hate though regarding religions, is when you're somewhere beautiful, like a mountain range or somewhere with a great view of the ocean, and someone says 'how can you NOT believe in (insert god) when you see things like this?'
quite frankly, i think the world is a more beautiful place when i know it wasn't created. that all of it fell into place, made out of the stardust of the universe. i think that's even more beautiful. i like to give the credit to mother earth. so many people are so busy giving the credit to god that they forget about her, but really, she's our real creator.

10. i love all kinds of animals. i love cooking. i love big open spaces. i like the city, but i can't be there too long. i think cities encourage materialism and make people forget who they really are, and the things that really matter.

11. sorry if i'm sounding like a crazy hippie, i kind of am sometimes.

12. i love movies. i've seen so many. i want nothing more then to make them.

13. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle is the closest thing I have to a bible.

14. i love my boyfriend. he's the best boyfriend in the world. if you think yours is, you're just kind of wrong. i've never simultaneously been so in love/had such a good friend. it's the best feeling in the world and now i finally understand all the cheesey love songs. (oh hilary stfu how fucking cliche (: )

15. i've been thinking about making a toasted nutella and jelly sandwich so now i'm gonna go do it.

i am not jasmine i am aladdin.

2011-03-14T14:29:00.000-07:00

have you ever thought about people and realized, there's something you just absolutely hate about every single person you know?
whether it be an annoying habit or they way they get when they're drunk or they way they think about certain issues. or what they like and don't like, what they think matters and doesn't matter. they way they talk when they argue or they way they act different around boys or how they always smoke in your car without asking you.

i dunno.

and it's weird because all of that kind of stuff you can't openly hate really, until it actually creates a problem and you eventually fight or argue about it. and it's not like that will do any good anyway, people don't ever seem to changes things like that. you'll just argue and argue until you get tired of it but the only difference is now they know it bothers you so they're defensive about it.

on another note.
time has flown this semester, i need to step my game up school wise.
i've been spending all my time with a certain someone and its been kind of messing with it.
buuuutttt
i am so happy. (:
i've never been in a relationship like this ever, i didn't even know one so good could exist. it's all the things i never knew i wanted.
my recent little health ordeal is pretty much over praise jeebus, and i feel a whole lot better.

idk thats about the extent of my update kids. i'll try not to forget about this thing again. (:

redbull and vodka

2011-01-18T08:54:00.000-08:00

so i stole jessi's 20 day challenge thing, buuuut i'm gonna do it all right now. because i'm bored and procrastinating and i wouldn't remember to do it everyday for 20 days anyway. ;)

1. If you could wish for anything that would come true right now, what would it be?
my answer to any type of wish question since i was 10 has always been 'a wishing machine that would give me unlimited wishes.' so i'm sticking with that.

2. What’s your favorite season, and why?
fall and spring. for most people they're transition seasons, but i like that perfect in-between extremes kind of weather.

3. What is true love?
true love for me is finding your best friend, someone you can do anything with and say anything to, who you just innately trust with all of yourself. someone who thinks the sun shines out your ass and who loves the parts of you that you hate and who makes you feel at peace and at home, no matter where you are. at least thats what it is for me. you know.

4. What is the best and worst jobs you have ever had?
best job was definitely lifeguarding, because i basically got paid to sit around and tan. haven't really had a worst job yet, i dislike all work equally.

5. What is your phobia/fear?
not being good enough.

6. Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever broken a heart?
eh, yes and yes.

7. What is something you’re addicted to?
facebook and pizza bites.

8. What do you like the most about yourself?
i like that i can find humor in everything and that i don't take anything too seriously. it helps me not linger on shit i think a lot of people get hung up on.

9. Are you a lover or a fighter?
both. i don't really get why they have to be separated haha. when it comes to it, i'm not afraid to do either.

10. What would you say your biggest fear is when it comes to relationships?
getting bored, getting hurt, not being enough for someone. same shit as everyone.

11. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change and why?
i wish i wasn't so critical of myself.
12. What are features you get complimented on a lot?
physical, eyes probably the most.

13. What is your favorite sport?
soccer. but i'm really not a big sports person.

14. Write a letter to someone important in your life.
eh i don't want to write a whole big thing but, if i did it would be to my little brother. i'd let him know how proud i am of the kind of person he's turned out to be, which is a sweet hilarious and down to earth kind of guy, and that he'll always be my first best friend. i'd say thanks for not being such a typical teenage boy, and to remember his roots whatever he does.
i love you, Ern, don't ever change.

15. Whom do you admire the most?
i admire a lot of people, i couldn't pick just one.

16. What are 10 goals in your life?
1. do exactly what i want to do and not worry about how unconventional it is.
2. have kids.
3. hike in the andes or chichen itza or any of the places i want to go with them either strapped on my back, or walking right along side me.
4. be conscious and present, ever day.
5. find some actual productive way to consistently help people.
6. quit comparing myself to other people.
7. make movies.
8. find someone to do all of it with.

thats about it.

17. What gives you sincere happiness?
simple things, and outdoors

18. What are the 10 most significant memories in your life?
couldn't pick 10 if i tried.

19. When were the happiest days in your life?
right now.

20. If you died tomorrow, what’s one thing you’d regret not doing?
nothing.

(:

2011-01-03T00:39:00.000-08:00

oh,

2010-12-14T03:56:00.000-08:00

i'm afraid of getting bored and not being good enough or not doing the right thing. and i'm afraid being afraid of these things will never let me relax enough to be myself, because i feel like someone different every time i'm around you.

i'm kind of afraid of being myself, because it's starting to seem like we're more different then i originally thought we were. and i thought we were really, really different to begin with, which is not something i'm used to. past boys have basically been me with a dick, so i'm not really sure how to function around someone who's not.

ehhh

2010-11-23T22:39:00.000-08:00

i want to go somewhere with no people or anything and just stay there for about a day. or month.

thats a good feeling to have right around the time when all my second aunt's and cousins twice removed from arizona come around, right?

blaaaaaaah.

oh man.

2010-11-19T03:37:00.001-08:00

As I am generally around pretty mentally stable people these days, I almost completely forgot about the crazies out there that made me begin my crusade against religion and insanity in the first place.

Here's some nice reminders that reminded me why this delusion needs to be eradicated.

P.S. Dear June Hunt,

You're not smarter than me, for the simple fact that you are 50 something and believe in flying wizards in the sky, and I, at 19, do not. The people you claim to have converted from atheism are just like the people that claim they were 'turned' from homosexuality. They are brainwashed, they are scared, and they probably had a bit of crazy in them to begin with, or else they wouldn't eat up you're circle diagram bullshit.

it's too late to apologize

2010-11-19T01:02:00.001-08:00

i'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you.

i need you like a heart needs a beat, but that's nothing new.

oh no.

2010-11-15T15:59:00.000-08:00

oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no. oh no.

k so

2010-11-14T02:34:00.000-08:00

you know how we've been told like, since 4th grade to 'respect' our bodies, basically either by not having sex, or having very very little.

but ok, i've never really understood that. because..

respect is loving, caring and doing what's best for someone or something, right? basically.

..our bodies like sex. pretty much any scientific study shows that healthy sex does wonders for us. orgasms are good for our brains and blood circulation, sperm is good for our teeth, sex in general burns calories, keeps us flexible, gives those of us that can't get to the gym a nice little workout, ya kno?

so, wouldn't respecting my body be having a lot of really awesome sex? giving it a good workout? and the simple fact that you know you're going to be naked around people makes you wanna keep it looking good too, right?

idk. i don't mean to sound like a slut, i'm just saying. sex gets a bad rap from like, the second we're born. it's not this big monster we've always been told it was. as long as it's consensual and safe, it's one of the most basic and human things in the world.

but, 14 year olds in lincoln, i'm not saying screw like rabbits without condoms to further populate the degenerate generation of sad lonely children you've already began.

not that you don't do that already.

ooookkk done rambling now. i'm just not sleepy and bored, you know how it goes.

after the storm

2010-11-09T23:45:00.000-08:00

"And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.

Get over your hill and see what you find there, With grace in your

heart and flowers in your hair."

.

2010-11-08T19:14:00.001-08:00

" "

lol

2010-10-30T02:00:00.000-07:00

yuck

2010-10-29T22:45:00.000-07:00

the fresh air is perfume and i feel wonderful and sick

2010-10-27T05:45:00.000-07:00

i usually hate posting lyrics but..

2010-10-26T12:42:00.000-07:00

On bended knee is no way to be free
lifting up an empty cup I ask silently
that all my destinations will accept the one that's me
so I can breathe

Circles they grow and they swallow people whole
half their lives they say goodnight to wives they'll never know
got a mind full of questions and a teacher in my soul
so it goes...

Don't come closer or I'll have to go
Holding me like gravity are places that pull
If ever there was someone to keep me at home
It would be you...

Everyone I come across in cages they bought
they think of me and my wandering

but I'm never what they thought
got my indignation but I'm pure in all my thoughts
I'm alive...

Wind in my hair, I feel part of everywhere
underneath my being is a road that disappeared
late at night I hear the trees
they're singing with the dead
overhead...

Leave it to me as I find a way to be
consider me a satellite for ever orbiting
I knew all the rules but the rules did not know me
guaranteed...

download this song.

hearts for eyes

2010-10-25T23:25:00.000-07:00

i don't feel bad, so i feel bad about not feeling bad. does that mean i actually do feel bad? idk. maybe not, maybe just putting it that way makes me feel like less of an asshole.

...

if a tree falls on a woman, and no one's around to hear it, why was a tree in the kitchen?

lol @ my life

2010-10-23T01:44:00.001-07:00

you'd think someone would believe it after hearing it a million times, but i don't, and i'm not just being melodramatic.

blah blah whiney shit blah. ugh. it really is hard for me to complain.

dear westboro baptist church

2010-10-14T19:16:00.000-07:00

If I were ever at one of the soldier funerals you protest, I would not give a flying shit about your first amendmant rights, I would beat your evil asses with your 'god hates fags,' signs, because those fags are defending your freedom and your right to protest at the CEREMONY of THEIR DEATH.

America is never going to be 1950's america again, so i'm sorry you miss 'blue ribbons' and 'family values' but I don't miss discrimination against women and blacks, or high waisted man pants. Gays aren't out to ruin families dammit, most of them start families, that of which consist of needy and homeless children. The others just want a good sale at Express. Which I know you don't shop at, based on the floor length velvet skirts, so it's not like they intrude on your lives or anything.

All they teach in sunday school is love love love compassion love love love macaroni pictures love love, or at least the one I went too, so learn about what you think you're representing, and stop being tacky hate mongers.

mmm

2010-10-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

bullshit day.

2010-10-11T14:56:00.000-07:00

i wish i could force myself to believe in god sometimes, because the thought that nobody is going to intervene when i feel as shitty as this is almost depressing enough to make me want to fake it. i may not be religious, but i get religion. i don't want to think i'm alone either. i understand why people cling to it so much, i understand why they're so against any mention that there isn't a god. it's depressing, especially when you're going threw a shitty period. its comforting to think that someone is there who is powerful and can help you. it's comforting to know that all the answers are in one book and that we don't have to guess, because we're shitty at guessing and we could be wrong, causing more shit for ourselves. its comforting to think there's a source of all good protecting us.

it's a beautiful thought, sometimes wish i could believe it. i almost envy people that can.

i hate kids my age.

2010-10-09T19:10:00.000-07:00

1. we are self righteous

2. we can't deal with ourselves, so we constantly make up excuses for detaching from reality, because we are too mentally weak to deal with...like, anything.

3. we're generally not empathetic. your best friend of 5 years will get drunk and fuck your boyfriend, and then get angry at you when you ask why.

4. nothing, and i mean NOTHING, is our fault. cuss people out a lot? it delves from the anger which stems from the depression you have because your parents divorced when you were 6. were you the one who fucked your best friends boyfriend? that was the alcohol. didn't graduate highschool? damn educational system musta fucked you over. they never gave a shit about you, so you didn't care, right?

5. we're self centered and generally don't give a shit about anything happening beyond our little own little circles.

6. we're stupid. we could not pass half the tests our grandparents had to, because we care about retaining nothing.

look at

2010-10-08T00:34:00.000-07:00

my tattoo!! these pictures aren't great, i'll get better ones later.

quote from:

"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."

the quote, person, and story behind it are very near and dear to me.

k so

2010-10-04T23:23:00.000-07:00

i'm sorry for my anger yesterday. here's a bunch of kitties to make you warm and fuzzy again. happy tuesday.

you know what sucks?

2010-10-03T22:37:00.000-07:00

finding out who people really are.

congratulations, i guess you're the stereotypical slightly trashy teenage fuck you've always wanted to be. good job with hiding it, because i honestly didn't see it coming, oscar worthy performance there friend.

little did i know those people you criticized and supposedly looked down upon were really your secret idols. you only disliked them because you wanted to be them and couldn't.

i can't put my disappointment and heartache into words. so fuck you very much, you fucking shallow asshole. i hope this bad karma comes back and not only bites you in the ass, but takes a good chunk out of you. i hate hating you, you piece of shit.

my favorite religion

2010-10-02T19:50:00.000-07:00

lakota sioux and teton, the sun dance religion.

The Sioux regard the universe as ultimately incomprehensible; life, growth, and death are mysterious and suggestive of powers difficult to understand.

Since time itself is regarded as non-causal, and does not embody notions of change and progress, nothing in the universe can be considered to be inevitable.

This incomprehensibility and unpredictability of the universe, anything difficult to understand, is called 'wakan', which also connotes the animating force of the universe, the totality of which is 'Wakan Tanka'. Wakan Tanka is the sum total of the personified powers that brought all things into being.

Humankind itself formed in and emerged from the womb of Mother Earth, as did the buffalo. Everything has its own spirit but all share the same spiritual essence that is Wakan Tanka; so it is that the most important aspects of personality are shared by everything in the universe.

Other beings often shared their knowledge with humans or provided aid in time of crisis (See Mary Crow Dog:1991 pp.178-180), and so came to be thought of as 'people'.

The observance of the human-like characteristics of these peoples led to the development of kinship with them. At birth one receives from Takuskanskan a guardian spirit and the life-breath or ghost which comes from the stars; at death these return to the spirit world.

it's beautifully simple. i like how instead of making imaginary gods, they worshipped the real actual tangible earth that kept them living, and respected all parts of it. it's kind of like the theory of Gaia, which is probably the closest thing to a religion i have anyway.

idk, makes me happy.

via Oglala; They Scatter their Own Dust.

dear everyone,

2010-09-30T23:07:00.001-07:00

you don't ever need to try and be good enough for anyone else. people will tell you that you have to, people close to you, people you love and people you've known your whole life. i know it always feels like you should and i know its hard to convince yourself that you shouldn't always be trying to make yourself 'good enough', but tell yourself it everyday until you believe it, because trying to be good enough is miserable, and it will make you more miserable and bitter everyday, until one day you wake up and your 35 and unhappy and doing things you don't want because you had to please someone else. not only is it miserable to experience, it's equally miserable to watch. please remember this when someone someday makes you feel like you aren't worth their time, because it will happen. instead of trying to make yourself worth their time, find someone who never made you prove anything for theirs, because they knew you were worth it to begin with.

hilary

things could be worse.

2010-09-28T00:09:00.001-07:00

but things could be better.

i copied jenny

2010-09-20T18:06:00.000-07:00

here's my list of favorite (famous) people, in no particular order, because i really couldn't decide who is better then the other. i equally am obsessed with them all.

1. emile hirsch: not only because he's in my favorite movie of all time (into the wild) and another movie on that same list (milk) but he just seems unique by nature.

2. dakota fanning: she's also in more then one entry on the favorite movies of all time list, and i also think that she's had more talent in her little pinky since she was 4 then most actors could have in two grown bodies.

3. dave matthews: he's my musical soul mate.

4. rupert grint: because i love harry potter, and i love gingers. he's a great actor and i've had a mad crush on hims since i was 11.

5. anna paquin: i love her gap and the fact that she keeps it, i loved her movies before, and now i love her in true blood.

6. sean penn: he's a creative genius and maverick, and such an intelligent guy. he directed my favorite movie of all time, and is in more then one of the best movies ever made.

7. mark twain: i've always thought he was probably one of the most intelligent guys that ever lived, in the most simple of ways. he was eloquent without having to be complicated, and could reach any type of person.

8. jack white: my other musical, and probably real life, soul mate.

9. meg white: probably the only female musician i can wholly identify with.

10. michael pitt: i think he is probably the most underrated actor on the face of the planet. everything he does is just brilliant. he adds a depth to everything that i don't think any other actor his age can.

this damn video

2010-09-19T00:38:00.000-07:00

it tears at my insides. the song just by itself i'm not so crazy about, but the video just rips me up and i have yet to watch it without crying like a maniac.

i wish life had a like button

2010-09-17T22:49:00.001-07:00

ssooooooooo i heard an interesting story on the radio today (and then later on christian nightmares) about a woman named Bethany Storro, who was previously on the news for apparently getting acid thrown in her face at a bar for no reason.

random, but sad.

but THEN, it turns out that she faked the acid attack so she would be invited on the Oprah show so she could 'inspire people and tell them about Jesus.'

...

which brings me to 3 points.

1. even if her first made up story was true...how does that tell me anything about Christianity? maybe if she was being persecuted for being a christian, ok, some people might be inspired, but a random person throwing acid on you and gives you some nasty scabs is not really inspiring. as you can see in the pictures, shes got some nasty discolored scabs which might lead to a few scars, but they say she will ultimately heal. it's not like she's that poor lady that was on Oprah earlier who got her whole face ripped off. i mean, yeah it's sad, but it's not the first thing that comes to mind when i think 'christian inspiration.'

2. she actually got invited to oprah. she was scheduled to go on the show with her mom. the police didn't even suspect it was a fake, they had no INKLING of an idea she could even be lying. but she told them. i mean i'm glad to know it was a fake, but wtf. you suck at evil plans. well, i guess yours wasn't evil since it was in the name of your jesus, so you suck at holy plans.

3. bitch you crazy. how about doing something inspiring instead of throwing acid on your face? not only crazy deformed people make it on oprah. you could've helped someone, AND saved your skin.

and thats all i have to say about that.

oh i hate teabaggers

2010-09-13T14:39:00.000-07:00

smosh helps us realize the amount of intelligence supporting the tea party movement.

happy monday.

via Smosh

i'm not the creep on urban dictionary

2010-09-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

jessi's post about her blog on google gave me the urge to google mine. first, it asks 'did you mean hilarious?' and gives like 3 results for that, then it has an urban dictionary entry for ANOTHER blog author named hilaryus (who apparently is a creep) and the facebook for a guy named Jhong Hilaryus. =/

there's another hilaryus in canada who pops up, someone's flickr, a site for another hilary (which is http://www.hilary.us) and then me! :D

yeah i'm bored, i have about an hour til class and not shit to do lol.

^

2010-09-09T22:37:00.000-07:00

things are looking up for now.

and the fire department has been here 3 times because of the smoke alarms in our building going off. my theory is someone keeps blazin and setting them off. this is close enough to the ghetto that thats probably the reason.

my brain:

i'm pumped for true blood season finale, but wtf am i going to watch when it's gone? ): besides weeds, CNN, and teen mom?!

el dia de los muertos is just about my biggest inspiration ever.

and i have a new weird attraction to mayan-esque tattoos thanks to apocalypto. which is gorgeous movie, and has one very gorgeous indian man named Rudy Youngblood in it.

welp thats all i got.

living here will make me racist.

2010-09-03T21:18:00.000-07:00

dear people of the ghetto,

i don't appreciate it when i call the apartment's front desk and get you because your answer to all my questions is 'i don't know du' which doesn't help me with shit.

i don't appreciate when your swags on and i'm trying to get to class. my classes are far apart and i need the every single one of the 10 provided minutes in between to get to them. so quit giving me dirty looks when i'm trying to run around you because you're going -3 miles an hour with your jeans belted around your thighs.

i don't get why you have to simultaneously stomp up the stairs with all of your strength, while screaming at the top of your lungs. and not just once, every single fucking day. a billion times a day. STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP STOMP 'AYYYYY MANNN' i can hear it from my bathroom.

i don't appreciate hearing you bump at 3am. you're in the parking lot, driving to a parking space. i know manners are an unknown concept to you, but really. there's no one around to listen to your wiz khalifa and think you're a G at 3am in the parking lot. just me trying to sleep and failing.

p.s. QUIT LITTERING. whats your fucking problem. littering is my #1 pet peeve, and you ghetto people do it more then anyone i've ever met. you leave your mcdonald's in front of the building, you drop your wrappers on the stairs, you leave your beer cans in the grass. for fucks sake, whats cool about living in a place that looks like a shit hole? you're like, creating a ghetto around you wherever you go. you're like damn ghetto black holes.

but i DO appreciate all the fact that i can finally find fake hair in my color thanks to all your hair supply places around.

that is all.

squidward is my best friend in the world

2010-08-30T23:25:00.000-07:00

squidwarddd is my best friend in the seeaaaa.

college

2010-08-29T17:14:00.000-07:00

you were a child, crawling on your knees towards it

2010-08-08T22:52:00.000-07:00

cash monee

2010-07-30T01:12:00.001-07:00

hey y'all sorry it's been awhile. if you've noticed alot of annoying ads around here, it's because thanks to google, i'm now getting paid to blog! (:

i know the ads are annoying, but i figured y'all wouldn't mind too much. and if you do, tough shit, i'm a poor (almost) college student, and it's either this or i get my ass out on the corner in some fishnets and a Pretty Woman spandex body suit.

i don't have much to say atm besides, fuck the arizona governor and his racist laws. fuck ignorant people, and fuck bad drivers. and fuck wendys for always putting tomato and mayo on my chicken club, even though i ask them not to EVERY time. (yet i still keep coming back?)

true blood is FINALLY getting as good as the second and first seasons (i was worried there for awhile) and GOD GANESH AND ALLAH BLESS the two beautiful people who bore the glory that is alexander skarsgard. you know someone is smoking when they dye their hair dishwater brown and they are still a steaming piece of sex on a stick. to quote lafayette;

"HALLE-LU-JAZ. halle-lu-jaz!"

anyways.

love peace & chicken grease.

vida

2010-07-17T02:06:00.000-07:00

i'm so fucking critical, and i don't find that a flaw. i can also be pretty self centered, and i'm cool with that too.

the only reason i'm afraid of getting old is because i'm afraid of getting ugly. it's petty and i should grow up but whatevs.

i'm really pumped to have kids. i picture it all the time. i have a list of baby names on my phone and my mac. i'm probably more excited to have kids then i am to get married or anything.

the most comforting things to me are southern/western/country related. i listen to little big town when i'm sad or i just need some music comfort food. corn fields, riding horses, big open spaces, and my stupid relatives with southern accents have the same effect, as well as sweet tea, corn bread, dumplings, all the artery clogging crap my grandmas used to make.

i may not totally be a country person but i was raised around a lot of them, and it's a small part of me i now accept and love.

a lot of people complain when i make cd's because they usually have about 9 different genres and thats too ADD for them.

they used to think i had ADD when i was a wee lass but it turns out i was just a loud stupid kid.

i'll always have a soft spot for underground punk, even if it's having a sucky dry spell like now.

i said i wouldn't be a million times, but in a lot of ways i'm just like my mom. i love black and white movies and antiques, i'm a coffee and wine connoisseur, i read mystery's, and i almost always like the acoustic version better.

my dad and i have a more similar personalities, taste in music, and love for nature. the feeling i have about natural places and things is indescribable, but it's most definitely inherited from my dad.

that indescribable feeling is the reason Into the Wild is one of my favorite movies. it's the only movie i know that gives a visual to that thing i can't describe.

i'm a really lucky person to have ended up with my parents. they've taken me places ever since i was born, they still do, and i love traveling because of it. they'd do things like get me korean food and indian food or some russian barbecue from a restaurant 3 hours away just because it was different and they wanted to try it, they took me to foreign or indie films and any type of museum around before i was old enough to appreciate them, they put me in art and dance classes. it sounds like i'm tooting my own horn when i say i think i'm pretty well rounded, but i really don't take any credit, it's completely all their fault if i am.

if i was scared, my dad made me try it anyway, so eventually i quit being scared and became a crack addict for new experiences. my dad was always right, it never was scary and i always loved it.

if i'm a psycho fan of anything it's movies. they've always been my favorite thing, and if i get to make them like i want to, it'll be an absolute dream come true. even if it's just barely known indies, my life will be complete.

it doesn't make me sad that i won't see a lot of my old classmates anymore, but it makes me sad that i feel that way.

i'll miss lincoln, i know it sucks and it's boring, but it's home.

i've been told a million times that if i do movies, i'll probably have to move out to LA, and thats like my worst nightmare. it's kind of ironic that i'd have to do something i'd REALLYY hate to do something i really love.

i can't escape the 'if everyone else likes it i hate it' attitude i got from my hardcore dumb emo kid phase. i try to but eh. maybe it's healthy not to be a trend whore.

there's not a lot of people i really admire. there is a few, but i can't even think of any right now.

i think girls that have to have or depend on a man for their happiness are weak and dumb. i think anyone that needs to be with someone all the time to be truly happy isn't a complete person. i don't think you can or should be happy in a relationship if you can't be happy just by yourself.

i usually don't tell people that unless they ask, because they get pretty offended. i think you should be okay by yourself, shit especially as a girl, because people always expect that you won't be.

i like cooking but i never do it.

i don't believe in god and i think i'm still a good person. i don't usually tell people that either, because they automatically assume i'm not.

i don't associate not believing in god with bad morals. i associate it with being rational. i don't have any beef with religious people, but if you ask me 'well if evolution is true, then why are there still chimps?' and i explain that 'we aren't descended from chimps. we're their cousins, we both evolved from a common ancestor that no longer exists. we didn't come from them, so it's pretty logical that they're still around' then you can't get angry and call me a satanist. i'm just telling you what i think is true, and answering your question.

like i said, i don't have any problem with people who chose religion, not personally anyway, but i don't think any hardcore religious person (of ANY religion, not just christian) should be in any position of authority. i believe those positions should be saved for rational people.

now that i've offended you, i'm gonna go to bed.

the 'other' baldwin gets pwn'd hard.

2010-07-14T01:40:00.000-07:00

even god thinks james dobson is full of crap.

2010-06-26T12:24:00.000-07:00

More proof that 'Adventures in Odyssey,' and 'Focus on the Family,' creator James Dobson is, indeed, full of smelly cow shit, and even the great magic wizard in the sky thinks so.

(from 'The Lies of James Dobson,' via Unreasonable Faith:)

"... He (James Dobson) is widely accredited with rallying the Lord’s troops to vote for and land the win of George Bush.

Obama of course is “lowest common denominator of morality” with a “fruitcake interpretation” of the Constitution, who edits “God’s word to fit his liberal worldview.” So Dobson’s servants released a video commanding Christians to pray for “rain of Biblical proportions” on the day of Obama’s historic nomination speech.

It was sunny all day. But rain it did — at the Republican convention. Hurricane Gustav hurled itself at the southern Bible belts, causing the largest U.S. evacuation exodus in history with 2 million people headed north.

The Lord has spoken."

amen.

famous last words.

2010-06-11T22:11:00.000-07:00

"Farewell, my children, forever. I go to your Father." marie antoinette

"It is very beautiful over there." thomas edison

"Let us cross over the river and sit in the shade of the trees." stonewall jackson

"Get my swan costume ready." anna pavlova, ballerina

"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." pancho villa

"I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this." executed murderer thomas grasso

"And I shan't recover this time." suicide note of virginia woolf

ikr?

2010-06-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

"I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion, just because of the expression it leaves on my face."

"I never submitted the whole system of my opinions to the creed of any party of men whatever in religion, in philosophy, in politics, or in anything else where I was capable of thinking for myself. Such an addiction is the last degradation of a free and moral agent."

'Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.'

deewangi deewangi

2010-06-06T15:54:00.000-07:00

words can't describe how i feel.

2010-06-02T21:16:00.000-07:00

so here's so pictures that do it better.

yes, rupert grint is a feeling.

in the slim case you care about politics.

2010-05-16T11:03:00.000-07:00

no more voting for people whose ways won't ever change.

i'm having an askars kind of day.

2010-04-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

hey there alexander skarsgard, i sure do have a lovely time staring at you.

oh and bee tee dubs, what like 3 more months until i move into my badass apartment????

hells to the yeah!!

i'll link y'all up with some pictures of it soon.

luke grimes day

2010-03-22T13:45:00.000-07:00

what would the lovechild of emile hirsch and robert pattinson (with a dash of joaquin phoenix) look like? well, this shiz right here.

why don't conservatives want to live?

2010-03-20T15:16:00.000-07:00

Conservative bible 'The Weekly Standard' has just 'exposed' the lies of Al Gore and his global warming campaign. How was he proved to be a liar?

Because, this winter......it snowed.

So, there is your UNIVERSAL proof that global warming does not exist, right? Because in winter, it's cold, not warm, and only 25% more of ice caps are melting (not 50% like expected)?

Um. No. Sorry, conservatives, but just because you don't want to believe it DOESN'T MEAN the climate is not changing. EVERY SINGLE ONE of the top climate experts AGREE the climate is changing, and not for the better.

Even if it turns out it's not as bad as predicted, WHY take the chance when there's so much evidence supporting it?? Why just, you know, make preparations, just in case it is as bad as predicted, and the act of not preparing will, uh, i don't know, kill people??

Our brains are in our heads for us to use. Pull a Sarah Palin and write that on your hand if you need a reminder now and then.

hope you guessed my name.

2010-03-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

i'm not going to be so quiet about my beliefs anymore because i'm afraid of offending people. if i'm asked, i'll say what i think, and if you are offended, then i'd like to let you know that i'm probably equally as offended by yours.
i won't say much but i will say i can't believe the amount of complete impossibility and make believe some people will accept as truth, especially when they aren't even open to the alternatives.

extreme example: The Flat Earth Society.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE.

it's like a trashbag filled with creamed corn..

2010-03-16T19:08:00.000-07:00

people of walmart, take 2.

what do azns and t swift have in common?

2010-03-13T12:23:00.000-08:00

probably nothing but they sure are cute together.
skip to 46 seconds if you don't want to here mario lopez's little spiel.

if you can't see the whole video, click hur.

bueller...bueller...

2010-03-11T09:55:00.000-08:00

my partial "sick" day has inspired a ferris related post. yee hawww. (:

"I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So, who gives a crap if they're Socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car."

"i'm dying, ferris."
"you're not dying, you just can't think of anything good to do."

"How could I possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this? "

new name.

2010-03-10T19:36:00.000-08:00

long story.

i'd argue freedom of speech, but that's the price you pay when you live with your parents.

2 more MONTHS TIL FREEDOM. well i guess technically 4, counting summer.

but ANYWAYS

this is how i feel today

2010-03-02T18:34:00.000-08:00

walmart: where the cool kids go

2010-02-28T12:11:00.000-08:00

<----
when you wear those stupid skirts from hot topic, THIS IS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.

the hat can withstand all those -- hat

not doing it right.

courtesy of peopleofwalmart.com

my day in pictures

2010-02-24T21:17:00.001-08:00

TODAY I:

played with this:

wanted to go to this:

felt like this:

argued with people like this:

and felt like this again:

askars

2010-02-18T20:11:00.000-08:00

mmm mmm mmmmmm.

the devil and dave matthews

2010-02-13T10:48:00.000-08:00

so, i finally listened to all of Dave Matthew's Band's 'Big Whiskey and the Groogrux King,' (without buying it yet,) and, i can't BELIEVE Taylor I-Sing-Like-I-Have-Tuberculosis Swift's cheesey poppy CD won over it for album of the year. pretty much every artist up for the award was better then her, and i can't believe she's getting all these damn awards for writing such boring, simple, cliche songs.

anway, Big Whiskey is totally worth it. it's one of the few CD's i'm actually willing to go buy, as in the actual physical CD in the case, which i probably haven't done since Under the Cork Tree.

hott foreigner of the week

2010-02-11T20:04:00.001-08:00

gael garcia bernal.

nothing says 'i love you' like ms. new booty

2010-02-07T11:15:00.000-08:00

you could've just googled the lyrics.

and where do you get ms. moogoo? the song's called ms. new booty?

watch for the badass 15 second rock pose at the end.

the world can be beautiful without a fake rule maker in the sky

2010-01-27T19:05:00.000-08:00

something else i found on unreasonable faith that resonated:

"A few days ago a 41-year-old Christian mom-blogger came out as an atheist:

I stepped out into the black winter morning.
No stars, no moon, just black.
My boots made the only noise
Crossing the icy patch to the barn.
I love the dark.
The cold dark
The cold still dark.
My chest would rise in a prayer every time.
Thank you god for this beautiful dark.
But then one morning I opened my eyes.
Or perhaps the scales fell off?
god disappeared
And behold
The cold still dark was still beautiful.
Even more so."

well hell.

2010-01-18T16:32:00.000-08:00

so, josh hutcherson. the first time i saw him was in a RV on hbo one day when i was bored, and he was a slightly chunky wigger kid that had a crush on some really ugly singing hillbilly.

but apparently that movie was made in 2006, and i didn't know that, and i saw him on TRL today and holy crap.

little gangsta josh

2010 josh

woah nellie. ;D

some cold mountain

2010-01-13T20:06:00.000-08:00

makes sense.

2010-01-09T10:32:00.000-08:00

"hitler is generally considered the most evil person in history. si?
why? because he killed 6 million jews, give or take. yeah.
now, the nicest, most loving figure in all of history. alot of times people hear this and think, 'god.' right?

now, i'm sure alot of you are familiar with the story of noah, in the old testament. the story of a 600 year old guy who builds a boat larger then modern cruise ships to house a pair of every type of animal (an estimated 2 billion species is thought to have existed at that time on earth,) so they can float while god destroys everyone with a big flood, cause apparently they were just so mean he couldn't take it anymore.

so, god killed roughly idk everyone on earth. but he's the nicest guy ever? and i thought he had uh like everyone power imaginable and unimaginable? why didn't he just try to make them nicer somehow with his god powers instead of being a big jerk and killing them?
and if he was gonna kill them, why'd he have to do it in the one of the meanest way possible, drowning? why didn't he just say, 'everyone die except noah and his posse' and then they just would've fallen down, and it would've saved poor 600 year old noah the time and wood and effort it takes to find polar bears, every type of bug on the face of the planet, spider monkies, giraffes, ant eaters, sub artic macaroni penguins, lions, etc etc who can all TOTALLY survive in the same climate on a big wooden boat. (cough)

aaannndd, it takes at least 50 animals of a species to prevent inbreeding and to insure enough genetic variation. so...

just sayin.'

floater.

2009-12-06T19:24:00.000-08:00

Powerthirst 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3qncy5Qfk
this one is funnier, but effin' college humor won't let me embed it.

cat puke

2009-10-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

i haven't updated this thing in awhile. i don't know what to put, so, my cat goose just puked on the stairs.

i'll try to think of more things to put. if anyone still looks at this anymore.

i'm also in the process of trying to think of a tat for my 18th bday. i'm indecisive and i'm probably going to get something stupid that i end up hating but i'm getting one anyway and it's going to be sick.

peace

>:D

2009-01-23T12:35:00.000-08:00

i haven't done anything with this for a few weeks. all i really have to say is, yay obama. i hope you do good and i hope i don't end up hating you like i did dubya. but i think since you have an IQ over 26 we're safe. shalom.

remember this?

2008-12-30T23:55:00.000-08:00

Ok. So, which of your band mates is most likely to accidentally stick a fork in a toaster?

Frank: Mikey

Gerard: Mike, yes.

Mikey: That would be me.

And who would yell 'Hey! It's still plugged in!'

Gerard: I would definitely be the one yelling. I think we're all very protective of Mikey for things like sticking forks in toasters.

Frank: It's funny because when we were recording, me and Mikey lived together and I would go to Gerard after and be like, "I can't believe he did this today."

Mikey: Yeah, I would leave the tea on overnight.

Frank: God forbid that kid ever lives alone.

Gerard: He had to promise he would watch him because he likes to do this thing where he'll take a heater into the shower and plug it in..

Frank: Oh god..

Gerard: ...and there's water everywhere

Mikey: I did that one time..

Gerard: What about the times with the radio?

Mikey: Yeah...

Frank: Oh god..a heater?!

Mikey: ... I was pretty warm when I did it though.

oh and i got glasses. i didnt need them really. long story. (:

for the bulimics..

2008-12-28T22:00:00.000-08:00

no more sticking fingers down your throat. this will do it.

tokio hotel sucks hairy nuts.

2008-12-24T23:50:00.000-08:00

merry christmas kids.

never mind.

2008-12-18T17:34:00.000-08:00

i miss my shawwn and his boogeyman face. (:

nigger.

2008-12-17T16:22:00.000-08:00

bitchass motherfucker. i hate being lied to.
dghajkmljfnhfjdjigdgjjkgfjk.

i dont know. i especially hate finding out i was being lied to, oh say, a month later, after ive forgotten about it.

bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch bitch. *EJIEGIJOPSIOJSFU*#@$_ri(#

gonna break some fuckin teettthh.

yeah..

2008-12-16T21:09:00.000-08:00

.

2008-12-08T21:29:00.000-08:00

'love life. nod to your haters.
positive or negative, they still think about you enough to let you know,
truly they are your biggest fans.' - frank iero.

"sex is like air.

2008-11-27T00:43:00.001-08:00

it's not real important until your not getting any."

(>._.)>

2008-11-25T21:46:00.000-08:00

recent things that make me happy Y:
madi, rainbow goldfish, cran-apple whatever it's called, and shawn.

"i lost my partner and my daughter in the same year...

2008-11-19T21:02:00.000-08:00

..somehow i rise above my problems and remain here.
yeah. and i hope this picture's painted clear..
if your heart filled with faith, then you can't fear.
wonder how i face years and i'm still chillen?
easy, let go, and let god deal with it." -

indie sol indie sol

2008-11-12T19:04:00.000-08:00

kedjjlkdsgkjlgsjlkgskjlgalkj

bad habits bad habits

everything and everyone can go to fucking haayyyllee.

i love moccasins. really. i wish i was indian.

i also love zac efron.

and The Atlantic Paranormal Society.

and cheese chex mix.

AND TWILIGHTS ANNOYING, JEEZUZ H. CHRIST.

YOU SOUND LIKE NERDZ WHEN YOU SIT THERE AND DISCUSS IT LIKE ITS FKIN DARWINS THEORY OF EVOLUTION.

'well if i were bella i'd rather have jacob cause at least he's close to human but then edward omg i love edward cullen holy shit he's so hott.'

hey i dont mean to burst your imagination bubble, but guess what...

HES NOT FUCKING REAL.

how can he be hott??? hes in a fuckin book. you CANT SEE HIM.

liking it is one thing but getting those dumb 'Edward' t-shirts is reeeetawded.

ok well anyway.

see what you and the kardashians have in common!

2008-10-27T20:10:00.000-07:00

i dont give a flying fuck what i have in common with kim kardashian! :D
whats she famous for again? oh thats right no one knows.

when i grow up i wanna be teyana taylor. mhmmmm.

as if you didnt know this already.

2008-10-26T18:26:00.000-07:00

playing Team America World Police got old along time ago.

really?

2008-10-21T19:20:00.000-07:00

i've so fucking sick of living here and being treated like i'm 13. jesus christ.
my mom seriously doesn't speak a word to me unless it has to do with my grades or homework or seeing teachers fkgadkjlgdajkad. it makes me want to tear my fucking hair out.

2 years can't go by fast enough, the second i find a college i'm moving as far away from here as i fucking can.

like really. if i get a c in biology, the world will keep fucking moving. i'm not going to be a biologist. or probably anything related. so i dont care.

seriously. grades are important, but getting screamed at everyday is ridiculous.

!!

2008-10-21T15:27:00.000-07:00

well

2008-10-16T20:41:00.000-07:00

all you fat old soccer moms hatin on sarah palin cause she's hott AND she's actually good for something can go jump off a bridge.

seriously. you dont have to look like a dyke in an oversized pantsuit to be a good vice president, you can not look like hillary clinton and still be smart and know what your talking about.

you can say it's cause of her preggo daughter but it's really because your jealous that you have cankles and a spare tire the size of jupiter and she doesnt. (:

hey bitchez.

2008-10-11T20:03:00.000-07:00

i. love. the office.

..

2008-10-06T13:46:00.000-07:00

"you will never be persecuted greater then for being yourself.
thats why only the bravest can do so."
- c.s. williams

i need new MuZiC

2008-10-02T17:23:00.000-07:00

send me songs, g.

and i take back the jm comment. there is one good song on the whole cd. but i still dont like it.
peace.

dear hilary,

2008-09-28T18:56:00.000-07:00

you shouldn't leave your pws for stuff in your phone lol, thats not very smart. (i got on your facebook too.) instead of posting a bunch of pictures & vidoes from lovethecock.com i'll just say that this weekend was b-a, and i hope we get to play the 'you can tell they dont fuck anymore' game sometime soon even though you suck at it. & drums & bass & pretty much life.
but it's cool you know, you can always just downgrade to like, the triangle, or bongos or something that takes like no talent.

lolol jp dawg! ILY!!!!! call me after you get this and dont delete it.

love,
m-DaWg!

p.s. don't ask how i know about lovethecock.com

fuck me.

2008-09-25T15:41:00.000-07:00

i'm having a bad motherfucking ~~day~~ ~~month~~ year.

words that sound dirty but arent: circumscribe ramrod masticate bushmaster ascot cumquat shuttlecock cumin (spice or something) titter niggardly

top 97 dirty sounding words.

oh, and please steal this dumbass's money.
having a picture of my debit card on my myspace makes me look badass!!!!!!

yeah and making it a little blurry TOTALLY MAKES THE NUMBER LYK INVIZABLE! what a genius!!!
go buy illegal stuff and get him in trouble.

why i hate sarah palin...

2008-09-21T18:34:00.000-07:00

bad mouthing oprah. bitch.

milli

2008-09-15T18:19:00.000-07:00

today was shitty. i'm excited for 3OH!3 and i think i might skip out on sky eats airplane.
i'm not really a big fan anyway and i really don't want to have to drive all the way up there if theres a possibility it might suck.

i hate living in trashy town no (good) bands will come to.

but anyway, i've had alot of people say they wanna go to 3OH!3 so i still have like one or two spots in my car if you wanna come.

peace.

good will hunting by myself

2008-09-12T21:22:00.000-07:00

"Girl, I remember when we was sittin' on your couch
Watchin' Good Will Hunting, holdin' hands and drinkin' milkshakes
But milkshakes melt. People change, and
..you dumped me on my birthday.
Right after I bought you that really expensive thing from the Body Shop,
Called Jojoba Loofah ..Milktowel or something like that
That I sold 147 Cutco knives to afford, but whatever, hey, it's cool!
I've moved, on you know, I'm happy now. Well, happy in a crying sorta way.. you know..
curled up naked in the shower biting your knees wishing you were dead kinda happy
But I realized you were right, we were never meant to be. (:
And you know what? Thank GOD...
'Cause you're the most vapid, whiny bitch I've ever met
Always making fun of my clothes, telling me how hott other guys are, asking me to pay you gas money???!!!!!!!
Buy your own gas you bug-eyed mooch! It's your car and it costs more than my house!
Oh and now you're going around trying to sleep with my friends..psh..
Hey good, that really makes you an empowered individual - no wait, I
meant two-cent gutter slut.
Listen you tanning-bed-baked, broke-ass, goat-faced, oompa-loompa monkey problem
I am PROUD to shop at Target, I'll wear warm-up pants any day of the week!
Yes, your ass did look fat in those jeans, your mom's a M.I.L.F.
And I plan to get on your little sister just as soon as I give her a call back, oh and you know what else?

You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself (you bitch, please die)"

lolz. 2nd favorite song evaaa. ;P

kan-yay.

2008-09-10T17:54:00.000-07:00

kanye's new song love lockdown was on perez, and not the dumb VMA version.

like normally i don't care enough about shiz like that to tell people about it, but that song is tripppppyyyy.

here is the only place i could find to listen to it where it wasn't like, scratchy and shit.

you better like it.

my favorite theeeengz....

2008-09-05T13:47:00.000-07:00

b t dubz...

2008-09-03T19:47:00.000-07:00

I HATE SCHOOL.

i hate waking up early and i hate that i already have carpal tunnel from all the fuckin typing we've done for AE 3. i don't know how knowing about wars & shiz is going to get me a job, unless i want to be a historian, which i don't, so why do we need to take history with english..

kjadjkdkjaagd i also hate that i wasted money on cherry garcia that i was really excited to eat but left in my car.

yeah 'kay my fault. so here's a picture of dubya.

peace.

mY fAvOrItE nEgRo

2008-09-01T11:34:00.001-07:00

i don't see how anyone can't wanna do travis, jesus.

woa, and look how short lil' wayne is.

LaMe

2008-08-23T22:57:00.000-07:00

bahahaha demi lovato is such a fugly skank. :D

c'mon now..

2008-08-22T14:34:00.000-07:00

ok so, they finally found out that like, 3 of the chinese gymnast are under 16 (big fucking surprise). the youngest one is that one who beat nastia, her names like He Kexin or something. last year at the chinese finals she was 13. and somehow the chinese thought everyone would believe she aged 3 years in like, 9 months.

seriously, did they think we have shit for brains or what? i thought she was like, 10.
i mean, we know what fucking 16 year olds look like, we're not all as retarded as the effin' olympic commitee.

shawn johnson may be a midget, but those chinese chicks make her look middle aged.